How to Make a Friend Group as an Adult: A Founder's Confession

I have a confession.

I recently read an article in PureWow, and it spoke to me in a way I wasn't expecting. The headline? "I'm Almost 40 and I'm Finally Ready to Admit I Don't Have a Friend Group."

Here's the uncomfortable part: I don't have a traditional friend group either.

And I'm almost embarrassed to say this because my entire passion, my life's work, is helping others find their community. I'm the founder of Mixingle, literally a business built on connecting people and combating loneliness. But they say we build what we need the most, and that is most certainly true for me.

The Friend Group Fantasy We All Bought Into

Growing up, I was obsessed with the shows that portrayed tight-knit groups of friends. Sex and the City. Friends. Frasier. Seinfeld. Will & Grace. 90210. Saved by the Bell. They all had something that felt just out of reach: a group of people they could depend on, laugh with, be vulnerable with, and support through anything.

The PureWow article I mentioned quotes social scientist Vanessa Van Edwards on this exact phenomenon. She says that at least a third of the emails her human behavior research lab receives are about "the myth of adult friendship": not just how hard it is to make friends, but how unnerving it is to not have what we think we are supposed to have.

Here's what Edwards wants us to know: "If you are lucky enough to have a group of friends like Chandler, Joey, Ross, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe, you are in the rare minority and you should treasure them with your life. But if you don't, you are not abnormal. You are not lacking. You are not weird. And you don't have something missing."

Read that again. You are not lacking.

My High School Reality Check

In high school, I wasn't part of a friend group either. Instead, I floated. I'd hang out with one group on Monday, a different one on Wednesday, and yet another on Friday. I told myself I liked the variety, that I didn't want to be "too clingy" or be seen a certain way.

But here's the truth: on Saturday nights when I had nothing to do, those were the times I wished I had a group to count on. A crew that would text "what are we doing tonight?" without me having to orchestrate everything. People who just assumed I'd be there.

I convinced myself I preferred one-on-one time with friends. And honestly? I still do enjoy solo hangouts. There's something about an intimate conversation over coffee that can't be replicated in a group setting. Research actually backs this up: studies show that social bonding is "cognitively extraordinarily taxing," and intimate conversations seem to be capped at about four people before they break down and form smaller conversational groups.

So maybe I'm wired this way. Maybe you are too.

But Here's What I've Learned About Friend Groups As An Adult

Even though I gravitate toward one-on-one connections, I've come to understand the unique magic of friend groups. And it's not about the TV fantasy. It's about something more practical and profound.

A friend group distributes the load.

When you only have individual friendships, you put everything on one person at a time. Your work stress? You call Sarah. Your relationship drama? You text Sarah. Your random Wednesday night boredom? You hope Sarah is free.

But in a group dynamic, there's a beautiful diversity of support:

• Someone in the group is great at organizing (they become the glue)

• Someone is an incredible listener (they're your go-to for advice)

• Someone always says yes to spontaneous plans (they're your adventure buddy)

• Someone sends the funny memes that keep the group chat alive

You don't need one person to be everything. The group naturally fills different needs.

Research on the viral 7 Friend Theory from TikTok illustrates this beautifully. While you don't need to find seven specific people to check specific boxes, the concept highlights an important truth: different friends can (and should) fulfill different social and emotional needs.

A friend group means someone will always show up.

When you message the group chat asking if anyone wants to grab dinner, the odds that someone will be free are much higher than texting one person. You're not putting all your social eggs in one basket, and there's less pressure on any individual person to always be available.

A friend group creates shared history faster.

Inside jokes happen naturally when the same people keep showing up together. Week after week of shared experiences (whether it's trivia night or hiking or just complaining about work over tacos) builds a shorthand that only your group understands. That's the good stuff. That's what we're all chasing.

And the Good News? Both Paths Are Valid

Here's what I want you to know: it's okay to prefer small, intimate friendships over a large group. Writer Mindy Kaling puts it perfectly: "One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about."

Quality over quantity isn't just a platitude. It's a legitimate preference. Some people are energized by group dynamics. Others find them exhausting. Some of us need our "people," plural. Others need their "person," singular.

The problem isn't which type you are. The problem is when you don't have either. When your weekends are lonely. When your group chats are with family members, not friends. When you're scrolling Instagram looking at everyone else's squad while eating takeout alone. Again.

That's what I created Mixingle to solve.

5 Ways to Build Your Friend Group (That Actually Work)

If you're reading this and thinking "okay, but I do want a friend group, where do I even start?" I hear you. Here's what actually works when making a friend group as an adult:

1. Show Up to the Same Thing, Repeatedly

Friend groups aren't built in one hangout. They're built through repetition. Choose one activity (a weekly run club, a monthly book club, a regular trivia night) and commit to going consistently. Research shows you need repeated exposure to the same people to move from acquaintance to friend.

The key word here is same. Going to a different Meetup event every week means you're always meeting new people. Going to the same event every week means you're seeing familiar faces, building rapport, and creating the foundation for actual friendship.

2. Start Small and Intimate

Big events are overwhelming and make deep connection difficult. Start with 4-6 people max. As research shows, intimate conversations naturally break down once you exceed about four people.

If you meet someone you click with at a larger gathering, suggest a smaller follow-up: "Hey, a few of us are grabbing coffee next Saturday. Want to join?"

3. Create Structure (Because Hoping Doesn't Work)

Hoping your friends will organize something is exhausting and rarely works. Instead, create the structure yourself:

• "First Friday coffee at 9am. Who's in?"

• "Monthly game night at my place"

• "Sunday morning hikes, rain or shine"

Make it recurring. Put it on the calendar. Remove the coordination chaos. When the structure exists, people can just show up.

4. Embrace the Awkward Early Stages

The first few hangouts will feel awkward. You're basically strangers trying to decide if you want to be friends.

That's normal. Push through it.

By the third or fourth time you see the same people, something shifts. Conversations get easier. You start to relax. Inside jokes begin to form. Trust the process.

5. Be the Person Who Shows Up

This is the hard truth: if you want a friend group that's dependable, you have to be dependable first.

Show up even when you're tired. Show up even when Netflix sounds more appealing. Show up especially when you said you would. Consistency is contagious. When people see you showing up week after week, they'll start doing the same.

Why I Created Mixingle (And Why It Might Be For You)

After years of floating between friend groups, being the exhausted organizer, and watching plans fall apart because people flaked, I realized something: the problem isn't that people don't want friends. The problem is that there's no structure for adult friendship.

When you're in school, the structure is built in. You see the same people every day. You have shared experiences. Friendship happens naturally.

As adults? We're on our own. And "we should hang sometime" texts go nowhere because there's no accountability, no commitment, and no system.

That's why I created Mixingle Circles: a 6-week program that gives you the structure to build real friendships.

Here's how it works:

• We match you with 4-6 people based on your life stage, values, and interests (not an algorithm, an actual human does this)

• Your group meets once a week for 6 consecutive weeks

• The plans are built in (no coordination chaos, no hoping someone else will organize)

• Same people, every week, so repetition does its magic

• By Week 3, you have inside jokes. By Week 6, you have a crew.

It's not networking. It's not dating. It's friendship, with the structure that makes flaking weird and showing up easy.

Because here's what I've learned: you don't need a perfect "Friends"-style friend group to feel less lonely. You just need a few people who actually show up.

The Bottom Line

Whether you're someone who craves a tight-knit squad or someone who prefers a handful of deep one-on-one friendships, what matters most is this: you deserve connections that feel fulfilling.

You deserve people who follow through. Who text back. Who show up. Who remember what you told them last week. Who make you laugh until your face hurts.

I built Mixingle because I needed it. Because I was tired of flaky plans and surface-level connections and scrolling through Instagram on a Friday night wondering why everyone else had a group chat that was blowing up while mine was silent.

If you're reading this and thinking "God, I relate to this," you're in the right place.

Your people are out there. Let's help you find them.

Ready to find your crew? Learn more about Mixingle Circles and apply for our next cohort at mixingle.com.

Applications for our Winter 2026 cohort open soon. Join the waitlist to be first in line.