How to Build Community: Lessons from 'Somebody Somewhere'

Tricia, Sam, & Joel toasting in 'Somebody Somewhere'

What I learned from watching this HBO series and how it applies to building community and finding meaningful connections

I recently finished the highly underrated series 'Somebody Somewhere' on HBO Max and loved every moment of it. While I only wish it had gone on for seven more seasons instead of just three, this show captured something rare: the authenticity of real people navigating everyday human emotions like loneliness, grief, love, friendship, and loss. Did I mention I pretty much cried every episode? If you have 30 minutes to spare and need a feel-good yet honest interpretation of middle-aged life, I can't recommend this show enough.

What struck me most wasn't just the beautiful storytelling, but how perfectly the show illustrated something many of us struggle with: finding and building genuine community while dealing with life's inevitable challenges. The main character, Sam, returns to her hometown to help her family grieve the loss of her sister, and in doing so, she must rebuild her own life and connections from scratch.

As someone who has felt similar to Sam, navigating my own seasons of loss and the need to rebuild community, I felt seen in a way I hadn't before. The show reminded me that community isn't something that just happens to us. It's something we actively create, nurture, and show up for, even when it feels difficult.

Here are the three most powerful lessons I took away about building meaningful connections and finding your sense of belonging.

1. Be Open to New Connections (Even When You Don't Feel Ready)

When Sam moves back to her hometown, she's grieving, uncertain, and understandably hesitant about putting herself out there. At her new job, she reconnects with Joel, a former high school classmate who sees something in her that maybe she doesn't see in herself yet. When Joel invites her to join him at 'choir practice' at the local Presbyterian church, a weekly gathering where community members perform for each other in the church hall, Sam's first instinct is to decline.  But something shifts, and she decides to show up anyway.

That single decision to say yes becomes the foundation of not just her friendship with Joel, but her entire new community.

This resonates so deeply because it captures a truth we often forget: the moments when we least feel like connecting are often when we need it most. Sam was invited to 'choir practice' and initially said no, but when she changed her mind and showed up, it changed everything. Joel's inclusivity and Sam's willingness to be open, even during hard times, created space for something beautiful to grow.

The key here is reciprocity. Joel had an inclusive mindset, actively inviting Sam in, while Sam chose openness despite her grief. Without both elements, the connection wouldn't have flourished.

How to apply this: Start with activities you already enjoy, as shared interests create natural connection points. When someone invites you to something new, try saying yes even if your first instinct is no. Better yet, be the person who extends invitations. Take the initiative to ask someone to join you in something you both might enjoy. Remember, the person you're inviting might be feeling just as hesitant as you are.

2. Establish Consistent Rhythms for Connection

Once Sam and Joel's friendship began to deepen, something beautiful happened: they created consistent touchpoints in their relationship. They established a weekly brunch date at the local diner, sometimes inviting others from their growing community. These regular meetups became the foundation for everything else, from weekly softball practice to karaoke nights.

Through these consistent interactions, they developed inside jokes, could finish each other's sentences, and built a treasure trove of shared memories. What started as two people became a web of meaningful relationships.

There's something powerful about having plans you can count on. In our busy, chaotic lives, knowing you have a standing date with people who matter creates stability and anticipation. It signals to everyone involved that this relationship is a priority worth protecting in your calendar.

How to apply this: After meeting someone new and deciding you want to deepen the connection, suggest a regular meetup. It could be Sunday brunch, Saturday morning walks, Friday happy hours, or whatever fits your group's lifestyle. The key is consistency and commitment. Put these dates in your calendar and honor them. Start small with just one or two people, then gradually invite others who might enhance the dynamic. Each time you meet, you're weaving new threads of connection and shared experience.

3. Create Space for Vulnerability and Growth

As the series progressed, Sam and Joel became the kind of best friends we all hope to have. They could be completely themselves around each other, the good and the messy. They celebrated each other's victories, provided comfort during difficult times, and served as each other's support system and confidants.

But what made their friendship truly remarkable wasn't just the good times. They also experienced conflicts and disagreements, yet they worked through them because they both understood that meaningful relationships require effort, patience, and grace. They showed up for each other consistently, even when it was inconvenient or uncomfortable.

This level of connection only happens when people are willing to be vulnerable, to share their real struggles and fears, and to let others see them fully. It requires the courage to ask for help when you need it and the wisdom to offer support when others are struggling.

How to apply this: Once you've established regular connection points and have been spending time together, begin sharing more authentically about what's really happening in your life. Practice asking yourself: Can I let my guard down around these people? Can I count on them during both good and challenging times? Can we work through disagreements and come out stronger?

Vulnerability is a skill that develops over time. Start small by sharing something slightly outside your comfort zone, then notice how others respond.

True community forms when people feel safe to be imperfect together.

The Ripple Effect: How Strong Community Transforms All Your Relationships

One of the most beautiful aspects of 'Somebody Somewhere' is how it redefines what family can look like. Even though Joel is in a committed romantic relationship, he tells Sam that she is his person. The show illustrates that your "person" doesn't have to be romantic. Your community, your chosen family, can provide the deep connection, support, and love that we all need to thrive.

But here's what struck me most powerfully: as Sam strengthened her new community with Joel and their friends, something unexpected happened. Her other relationships, the ones that had been strained or distant, started to improve too. Sam and her sister Tricia had never been particularly close, but as Sam learned to be a better friend to herself and others, she became more emotionally available for Tricia during her difficult divorce. Their bond deepened in ways it never had before.

This isn't a coincidence. When we experience genuine community and learn to show up authentically for others, we develop emotional muscles we didn't know we had. We become more patient, more empathetic, more willing to extend grace. We learn how to hold space for others' pain and celebrate their joy. These skills don't stay contained within our chosen community; they spill over into every relationship in our lives.

The sister who used to annoy us becomes someone we can support through hard times. The coworker we barely knew becomes someone we check in on. The family dynamics that felt stuck for years start to shift because we've changed how we show up.

When you become a better friend to yourself and others, it creates a ripple effect that strengthens all your connections.

This expanded definition of family and connection feels especially relevant in our current world, where many of us live far from our biological family or find ourselves needing to create new support systems during different life transitions.

The series reminded me that we are all doing our best to navigate loneliness, insecurity, and the complexities of human relationships. The solution isn't to do it alone, but to find our people and show up for each other with honesty, vulnerability, and commitment. And when we do, the benefits extend far beyond our immediate circle.

Finding Your Community

If you're reading this and thinking about your own need for deeper community, you're not alone. Building meaningful connections as an adult can feel challenging, especially when we're dealing with busy schedules, past disappointments, or simply not knowing where to start.

The beautiful thing is that community is always possible, at any stage of life. It starts with one person being willing to be open, to show up, and to invest in connection over time.

If you're ready to find your community, I'd love to invite you to consider Mixingle: Community Circles Fall 2025. This program offers something unique: you'll be matched with a small group of 4-6 people based on personality traits, lifestyle, and values, then provided with a structured 6-week program designed to help you build deeper connections.

Sometimes we need a little support and structure to create the community we're craving. If you're not already subscribed, join the waitlist to be among the first to know when applications open. Your people are out there, and they're looking for you too.

Subscribe now to join the waitlist and take the first step toward finding your community.